holdingtomorrow

our journey of hope and healing through autism

Udemy Course Review: Adoption-What you need to know by Brenda McCreight

 

I wrote this post months ago, but had to save it.  Since we are officially approved, & the news is starting to spread that we are planning to adopt through foster care, I care share this post:

I just love the way Brenda McCreight explains how the working of the mind causes the responses that you see in an adopted child who’s experienced early life trauma.  Here’s just a small bit of the wisdom I learned during the course:

 

-If a child can’t regulated themselves emotionally, they won’t be able to bond.

-Infants aren’t born being able to regulate themselves, they learn through many, many repeated times of being soothed by a parent.  When early life neglect interrupts this, they learn to cope and survive, but develop different neural pathways to do that, and don’t learn the emotional regulation we’d expect.

-“Inducement” is a window into the child’s soul, into what they are feeling, and what their experience was in their earliest days.  “Inducement means that when your child is angry, she will behave in a way that makes you angry.  If your child is sad, she will behave in a way that makes you sad (even if it means breaking or harming something you love-such as the child herself).  When she is grieving, she will make sure you lose something you care about.  Get the idea?”

-Transferance in adoption is when a child transfers her anger (often at the biological mother) to a new family member (often the adoptive mother).  The child is often angry that you didn’t prevent the trauma they’ve experienced.   The good thing about that, is that it means that inside, the child WANTS you to be there.    They are recognizing on some level that you belong to each other.

-Between the inducement and the transferance, parenting these kiddos often is not emotionally rewarding for a time, and parents may start to withdraw at a time that is very vulnerable.  It’s through this dynamic that adopted children with life trauma unknowingly contribute to a relationship failure.  Being aware of this dynamic can prevent parents from withdrawing.

I think that understanding those three ideas is life changing.  When adoptive parents understand those dynamics, they can learn to say to themselves “This is not about me.  This is about my child processing their early life trauma.  As parents, when we can keep from getting defensive, we can be open to helping a child work on their underlying emotions.

We also need to look at our children and figure out what we are transfering on to them.  Do they look like someone from our past we didn’t like?  Is there something about their voice tone?

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2 comments on “Udemy Course Review: Adoption-What you need to know by Brenda McCreight

  1. Dawn
    December 21, 2014

    That is fascinating. It could also help understand poor parental relationships….it could explain a parent’s unfair or illogical treatment of a child. Perhaps the reminds the parent of someone they have trouble with.

    • holdingtomorrow
      December 21, 2014

      I think there’s really something to that! To some degree, I think inducement is something we all do, unfortunately. At least, when I’m grumpy, I know I have a magic way of making everyone else here grumpy with me!

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This entry was posted on December 21, 2014 by in adoption.
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