our journey of hope and healing through autism

A riff on faith, miracles, and other things

I been thinking a lot lately about how I’m quick to verbally acknowledge th how much speech and occupational therapy, and biomedical treatments (like treating underlying digestive problems), have contributed to the amazing growth Hannah has seen over the past year.  I don’t talk as publicly about the role that I think that prayer, and healing plays in all of this.  Perhaps because my faith is so central to who I am, and because lots of people don’t believe in God or religion, I don’t tend to talk about this side of things as much.  But it’s an important part of our story, so I’m going to share a bit about it.

Hannah spent the entire 2011-2012 school year on the Alberta Children’s Hospital wait list for assessment for autism.  At that time, things were so difficult.  I would say I probably cried myself to sleep at least half of the nights during those 9 months. (Interestingly enough, someone in the family had told someone else in the family that I’d “come to terms with Hannah having autism”.  Far from it!  But perhaps I put on a good show?)  I was so fearful for what the future looked for my child (who was awake for hours many nights each week, screamed at any frustration, frequently injured me, and wore a crash helmet at school because she would bang her head on their concrete floor when frustrated).  I kept the full reality of how large Hannah’s struggle was as private as possible.  I didn’t want people to make assumptions about her, or just know Hannah for her extreme behaviors, because sometimes the sunshine broke through the clouds, and she would smile and giggle and cuddle with me.  I knew that the extreme behaviors and developmental delays were not the whole of my child.

In all honesty,  at first I felt angry at God for allowing this to happen.  He knew that I had two huge fears for my life-one of them was having a child with autism.  At the time, in my fatigue and fear, I wondered how could he allow the very thing I felt I couldn’t handle to be my lot in life?  I knew though, that life isn’t just about what I want, and that God allows difficult things to happen.  If we rely on Him, he can help us make the best of a bad situation.  I prayed desperately that he would help her, and guide me to help her.  I prayed and prayed that he would heal my child.  I really do believe that the Lord can work miracles- in the blink of an eye, even, when it fits his greater plan.  I’ve also come to see and truly believe that sometimes the Lord works miracles in a way that lets us be a part of the process, so that we can come to trust Him in a more personal way.

Throughout the past year, I really have come to trust in him in a greater way.  There have been so many decisions to make about Hannah’s treatments.  What agency or agencies should we work with for the two different parts of her therapy (the funding for the academic related goals is separate from the funding for self care skill therapy)?  What preschool should she attend?  Should we try the Specific Carbohydrate Diet?  Is it wise to invest almost all our spare income this year into lab tests to understand what underlying health problems are compounding her challenges?  What doctor should we work with to help us with this process?

I have felt time and again that when I do my best to gather what information I can, then pray that the Lord will guide me to make the best decision for our family, that He blesses me to feel peace when I’ve come to the right conclusion.  I’ve also learned that, for me, feeling unsettled about an option is my indicator that I haven’t reached just the right plan of action yet.  I absolutely think this is one of the reasons that Hannah has had great gains with every major intervention we’ve implemented.

Captured by Becky Photography (33 of 51)


3 comments on “A riff on faith, miracles, and other things

  1. Donna J. Dingwall
    June 10, 2013

    Becky, you are a tremendous example to me. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. Pingback: Hannah’s Blessing | holdingtomorrow

  3. Pingback: Miracles | holdingtomorrow

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This entry was posted on June 8, 2013 by in autism, feelings and tagged , , , .
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