holdingtomorrow

our journey of hope and healing through autism

Jealousy

Yesterday, a friend told me (for the 3rd time) that she is jealous of the time I have by myself while Hannah is at preschool, and Evan and Sarah are at 1st and 3rd grade.  In response I shared that it is what makes my life survivable, makes it so I can face the storms with calm (most of the time).  The last time she expressed her jealousy, I told her that I would gladly trade that time alone to have Hannah not have a severe developmental delays.  No matter how I explain it, it doesn’t seem to sink in for this friend that it’s not an extra.  It gives me the chance to do all the special food prep that seems to help our special needs kids, and make a vain attempt at keeping up with my household stuff, so that I can make time to do Hannah’s speech therapy, fine motor activities, and spend scores of hours filling out paperwork for assessments, treatment programs, and funding sources.

While it hurts to feel that I’m not understood, it brings out how crazy jealousy is. I’m certainly not immune to jealousy.  Or, more accurately, I’m naturally quite jealous.   Currently, I’ve been fighting jealousy of this cute young couple we go to church with that are years younger and have a way bigger house than we do, with two easy going children, and lots of helpful family.  It seems like a pretty sweet ride!

The problem with jealousy is that the ideas we base it on are so one sided.  We don’t see the private hardships or hurts that people experience, or drawbacks of the situations we’re jealous of.  It’s not too hard to recognize this logically, but to really buy it emotionally is another thing altogether.  And so, I’ll keep working on being grateful for what I’ve got, and where we’re at, and celebrating the successes.

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This entry was posted on May 31, 2012 by in feelings.
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our journey of hope and healing through autism

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